“Change the way you look at things, and what you look at will change.” It’s a nice, New Age deep thought that looks simple, but may not be so easy to apply. Here is another, “You don’t attract what you want, you attract what you are…” That idea isn’t so simple, and to extend the thought further, “If you don’t like what you’re attracting in your life, change the way YOU are, and what you attract will change.”
You may be sarcastically thinking, “Alright, Buddha, if you’re so smart, and so good at it, then tell me, how do you apply the concepts you’re yammering about and be kind to myself?” First, I don't know much of anything. I'm trying to undo years of thinking. Second, I wasn't so good at it. It's a work in progress. Interesting how brutal experience is such a good teacher.
In my past, I remember having these audio tracks playing over and over in my mind, what a friend of mine used to refer to as “stinking thinking.” Those old tracks were about the wrongs committed against me, my own guilt and shame about the wrongs I’ve committed (I grew up Catholic), and other resentments that I kept feeding my mind against others and myself. Overall, a normally neurotic soundtrack that would never sell; then again, maybe Woody Allen would buy it…
Eckhart Tolle, in his seminal book, The Power of Now, calls it the “pain-body,” that place where we feed our egoic self with energy, and it grows, and grows. What we give energy to, will grow. Good or bad, it just does. Most of those thoughts were about something that happened in the past, and frankly, most others involved don’t really remember them and don’t care anymore. But, it’s pretty normal to have thoughts like that in our minds. It’s not healthy for those thoughts to become corrosive and debilitating. It takes energy to maintain those thoughts, feel the pain, and suffer. But, there is hope... We can transmute that energy into something more positive, like love, peaceful thoughts, and service.
There are many ways we can transmute that energy into a loving life; we can read books, go to church for spiritual experiences, see a counselor, talk to friends, perform service for others, and participate in many other positive actions. “Action” is the keyword. But what kind of actions can we perform? Service is quite good. It gets us out of our minds and not thinking about ourselves. You will feel good about service to others. The dilemma many have with service is this: You’re home, alone, you feel lonely, and you’re frightened, because you still can’t escape your thoughts. Those actions, those soundtracks still play in the back of your mind. You don’t like to be alone, because maybe, you still don’t like who you’re alone with…
What to do about that? There’s no ocean deep, no mountain high, and no desert isolation where you can hide to escape your own thoughts. That stinking thinking still keeps playing those old worn-out tracks of guilt and shame. You’ve read all the right self-help books, you’ve seen a counselor after your divorce or your breakup, and you’ve talked to your friends until they can’t stand you anymore, but still, it doesn’t help. Thoughts are actions. What do you do?
You’ve been told that Self-love is narcissistic, selfish, or self-centered. Yes, you’ve been told and now you believe that you’re narcissistic, selfish and self-centered! Even worse! It goes on and on. Why? What will work? I’m kind to everyone, but I still have these feelings of inadequacy, guilt and shame. I’ve failed...
The answer is in at least two places in the Bible, Leviticus 19:18, and Mark 12:31: “Love thy neighbor as thyself.” In fact, that concept is in the Tao Te Ching, the Bhagavad Gita, Buddhist texts, and many others. Its a universal truth, as far as I feel. Loving your Self is the keystone of a life of peace and serenity. However, there are those who will tell you that it seems narcissistic, selfish, and self-centered. Perform actions for others, not for yourself. For people who think like that, it may be a very dualistic and contradicting way of being your Self. How am I supposed to be humble and loving, when I’m supposed to love myself in a way that may feel so selfish? How do I accept those things? How do I accept and attain happiness?
You don’t. Accepting is a egoistic process. I accept this, but I won’t accept that! No way! Attaining isn’t the way either. If I attain, I’m “happy.” If I don’t, I’m not happy. Dualistic thought… Right vs. wrong, black vs. white… I love chocolate, but I must hate strawberry. It goes on and on. Those stinking thoughts are still there… What to do about them? I’m nice to everyone else, except me. I’m my own worst enemy…
It’s time to free your spirit from the deceptions of the own ego. You know, your ego, the voice that thinks it’s in charge of your destiny. The ego is that fictitious self that suppresses your Spirit Light. When you let go of your ego there is much less self-inflicted wounding. In essence, you become kind to yourself. Being kind to you is critical in becoming kind to others. Loving yourself is a sure way to have pure love for others. It’s just the natural byproduct of freeing your spirit from the clutches of your ego. So, you aren’t just “acting” kind for other’s benefits, you become kindness by SURRENDERING to Self Love. Here it is, first and most importantly: BE KIND TO YOURSELF.
But the ego is devious, and it is deceptive... It’s powerful, it wants to survive, it likes the way it is. Your Spirit doesn’t like the way you feel, but the ego whacks your Spirit hard, and says, "I’m all there is. You don't need anyone else! Don’t listen to that namby-pamby wimp of a Spirit!" The ego is strong, and with some of us, it appears to be undefeated and forever. How do you defeat that all supreme, all knowing, bully of an ego? Change the way you think... Don’t think big and powerful thoughts… Think softly…
Geologists tell us that the Rocky Mountains were once as high as the Himalaya Mountains. That means the Rockies were twice their present height. How did they lose so much height? Water. Soft, gentle water... Applied over time, the softness of water wore the Rockies down. The softness of water, one of the most humbly powerful forces on Earth continues to defeat the Rockies. The softness of water is like kind thoughts for your Self. Applied over time, you’ll wear down the powerful ego, and the energy of stinking thinking transmutes to Love. Alchemy; and water becomes wine…
Want to watch someone who is kind to himself and others? Watch any PBS “Mr. Bean” episode with the BBC. You know, the "weird" guy to talks to himself, loves his teddy bear, and serves wonderful dinners for the bear and himself. Rowan Atkinson’s character is fascinating to watch. When you can be "nice" to yourself like that, you'll be "nicer" to everyone. The difference between acting "nice" and being nice: Are you actually nice to yourself? Not in a selfish way, but in the Self-forgiving, and kind way that is done through Self-love. Self-love=Love for the world. Being kind to ourselves is the greatest kindness that we can have for our existence. It's that inner Light that shines in the Darkest of places. Pure Love of Self=Pure Love of Everything.You think: I try to be kind to myself, but sometimes I fall back into the stinking thinking mode of self-loathing. The Buddhists believe that it’s more important for you to do your own work first, and then do work for others. And, no matter how others tell you their work is more important than yours, you must always do your work first. Even if you do your work badly, still do your work. I remember my first landing in an airplane was pretty ugly, and badly done. But, I stuck with them, and 35 years later, my landings aren't so ugly.
Well, ladies, you say, I have small children, a husband, and a home to take care of, and I still have a job. Men may think, as an example, I have to work two part-time jobs to keep my family healthy, warm, and safe. How can I be so selfish and do my work first. We all have those worldly things necessary for our survival. Still, take care of yourself first, and then, you’ll take care of the needs of others. Men, it’s much more conflicting for the ladies; allow her time to perform her work. There are many things we can do as father's and husband's that’ll allow our ladies the precious time she needs for her own Self-kindness.
The soft water of Kind Thoughts for ourselves is the simplest and sharpest tool we often forget we have in our Toolbox of Love. My friends, that simple tool applied kindly, lovingly, and always, will result in your own revelation of spiritual truths that your ego can never know. Your Love is undefeated. Kind thoughts for ourselves will always wear down the mountains of guilt, shame, and stinking thinking that we just can’t defeat with more ego.
Be kind to everything, and everyone, and especially to yourself, at all times with no exceptions. Maybe that New Age thought: “When you change the way you look at things, what you look at will change…” rings true after all.
Copyright (C) 2011 by Michael G. Hesley
All Rights Reserved
