Out of the Dark

Cable Trail, Tiger Mountain, Washington
January 4, 2013
1:39 pm PST

Out of the dark,

head on the clouds,

confused by the light,

stuck in this ground...

Extremes up here,

limits down there.
Have I lost my free will?

I'm set up for the kill...

I measure my self's

mirthless worth;

I wanna smash it, and 

end it's smothering grip. 

I love these down 

slopes that pass me by...

They caress me and sing

softly of this life's why.

Insights silently served
like soft water torture, the

pounding drops mercilessly

shred me from within!

Can I end this 

self-inflicted 

frustration? 

Where do I begin?

But, I love it up here,

struggling, laughing,

listening to God, playing 

with the soothing wind.

So, I'll stay

here a while,

and befriend

this lofty peak.

With unbending intent,

I'll listen to the sun speak.

Perhaps joyfully,

I'll finally make the leap.  

Copyright (C) 2012 by Michael G. Hesley

All Rights Reserved

Explanation of "Clueless"

I'm the Air and the wind is time. Time is the human construct of our great countdown to death. Yet sometimes I feel like I'm Air and time together. Air is also my soul and my mercurial friend is my ego...

The ego shouts at the wind and tries to blast it away to no avail. So we learn, and just surrender to what is; and surrender to the idea that time cleanses all as it passes by quickly. Time rushes by and old age is upon us. Better to surrender to it and let time cleanse us vs. "spitting ino the wind." Self patiently and lovingly helps self while the ego shouts at the wind, spits into it, and after surrender, the self becomes satisfied.

While still alive, after we surrender our selves to our parallel eternal existences vs. the ego's clueless wanderings, senseless dreams, and foolish paths it takes in life, we are satisfied and become the impartial observer. Together the Self and the self realizes that it doesn't really matter.

Don Juan tells Carlos Castaneda to always keep in mind the four types of defeat of most of mankind: Fear, Clarity, Power, and Old Age. The self is stalked by the Self on the Path With a Heart and and the self learns to softly surrender to Death, and is not defeated by Old Age. Without the Self and the self working together, the human animal will be defeated by old age. 

It is how I finally managed to get the stuck "Airship" off the mountaintop... Something has happened, not sure what, but the "finally" ship moves. The self wanted to be in control, but only by continually surrendering to the Self was the ship unstuck. In this life, the Self and the reluctant self became "co-joined" commanders of the ship stuck on the mountaintop. I feel that I can travel like a warp-engined ship that time cannot defeat. The ship finally moves. It is an uneasy truce, but it seems to work. It took some "time" for that realization to catch up with this reality.

After realizing this, much that I thought was important, becomes unimportant. Death doesn't frighten, nor does aloneness. Please don't confuse this with Apathy. This feels very empowering...

TC,
M

Copyright (C) 2012 by Michael G. Hesley
All Rights Reserved

Clueless

Cluelessly, I wonder
how my mind can wander,
secure in senseless dreams
and it's foolish blunders.

What is this noiseless place,
and why does the Air stalk me
with it's clear and unpleasant Grace?
Will the Air always agree with me?

Do I dare to dream of
parallel perceptions, and
forget the sweet cream
of my delusional expressions?

Shall I paint an invisible
"A" on my forehead to
advertise my Airy apathy
and emerge empty instead?

My mercurial friend,
let's shout at the wind!
Blast holes through it,
and foolishly spit!

Not sure? Then lets
calmly surrender,
and watch this high
existence slip past nigh.

Satisfied and alone,
we can watch the Air
while it cleanses us and
hurriedly flashes by...

Copyright (C) 2012 by Michael G. Hesley
All Rights Reserved